To set off on a journey, especially an unexpected one, it’s important to have someone to set out with and it’s a bonus if that individual is with you on both the physical and emotional voyage. Many characters come to mind that we readily identify as friends as they set out on their various travels, Frodo & Sam in their nigh impossible task to cast the ring into Mount Doom; Don Quixote and Sancho Panza as they embark on various adventures seeking to revive chivalry and defend the helpless; Butch and Sundance in their quest for one last payday; Woody and Buzz
in their epic journey “to infinity and beyond”. Some people are fortunate enough to have a best friend for life, whilst others make best friends along the way, I’m not sure if one is preferable or more valuable than the other, but I think they probably both exhibit many of the same characteristics.
I’ve learned over the last few Parkinsons years who my really true friends are, this is not condemning my other colleagues or friends or judging them for not committing to that extra yard which would have perhaps made the journey that little more easier at times. Parkinsons can be an awful ugly place, if you don’t have a best friend.
I shall try to recall some examples in my life that have stayed with me over the years, whereas the act of friendship is still memorable the person who committed the act is no longer my friend, and this is only due to the passing of time and drifting apart.
There have been occasions when these friendships have been rekindled over time, and strangely though our lives have taken drastically different routes and our opinions and views might be at odds, there still remains that bond of friendship that inexplicably drew us together in the first place.
Once in my youth, I guess I was no more than 7 or 8 years old, I was out with my 'friends' in the farmer's field climbing to the top of the haystacks and bouncing around merrily as the stacks began to unravel from the harmless fun we were having oblivious to the previous day's efforts the farmer and his labourers had put in. Suddenly the shout went out that the farmer was seen approaching at the fastest speed his old tractor could master and his shouting and swearing was such that we instantly inferred it was time to split post haste. Whilst clambouirng over some branches and long forgotten remnants of a broken barbed wire fence, I managed to snag my leg on a rusty spur of the fence and was immediately trapped in place, I could hear the cheers and yelps of my 'friends' grow fainter in the distance as they scarpered hastily in adrenaline rising fear. My calls for help were ignored or lost in the panic as I saw the fat farmer dismount from his tractor and begin to move with surprising speed up the field to the point where I lay trapped. With my heart racing in fear as to what the outcome might be I didn't notice the sudden appearance of my 'friend', who had obviously noticed my absence once they had retreated a safe distance to relax. He rolled up the legging of my short-trousers (passed down from my older brother that summer) and began to work the wire lose from my leg, he was smiling albeit nervously as he worked. We could both see the farmer clearly now although his early pace was now taking it's toll and I'm sure he could see my dirty blonde hair and my friend's ginger curls as I finally wriggled free. We both dashed off skipping through the long grass and nettles, avoiding the cow dung as we made our escape, I was oblivious to the trickles of blood srtreaming down the back of my leg as I laughed nervously with my 'friend' as we made our escape.
Not really sure why this memory stayed with me after so many years, quite an insignificant entry in the myriad of actions, activities and thoughts that were processed by my brain over the years.
Perhaps it was because it was possibly the first time that I was conscious of what a friend was and what it means to you and how it shapes your life over the years. I think it is really important to have a best friend at every stage in your life. Some people maintain a frienship from primary school that lasts their whole life, my experience was different. At various junctures or changes in my life I seem to have established a new friendship which I maintained during that specific time in my life. As I moved on a new friendship seemed to evolve each time, these individual friendships were primarily independent of any previous friends I had made, and on reflection I'm not one hundred percent sure if all these friends would have got on with each other.
I guess the reason that I've reflected on this is because I have a best friend who I can turn to and trust as I navigate the choppy waters of my Parkinson's journey. This would have been the first person to whom I had confided in regarding my diagnosis, it's kind of sketchy now but I think it was about 5 years into my journey before I felt comfortable telling my immediate family. Given that we are a close family and supportive of each other it may seem strange that I left it so long to share it with them. As I wasn't really displaying too many physical symptoms at this stage it just didn't feel it was the right time. I wasn't in effect trying to hide it from anyone, I just thought it would run it's course and there would arise the natural opportunity to reveal all.